Legends from the void, the book your book could smell like

Long ago, in a distant land, in a world lost in the endless void, there was a war between the forces of darkness and the forces of light.

Okay, not quite a war, but more akin to a one-sided conflict between one being, the king of the monsters, and the heroes of light.

But as in all things that have anything to do with fairy tales and flights of fancy, the heroes won out and order was restored, happiness reigned supreme and fluffy duckies and bunnies raced across their respective meadows, (an odd feat considering the bunnies weren't altogether good at swimming and duckies were horrific at running,)

and everybody lived cliched line from every fairy tale fantasy ending ever contrived.

That, WOULD be how the tale ended.

Yes, there was a battle...yes there was a great conflict that raged for…..at least twelve or so minutes, but the conflict didn't end in the favor of duckies, bunnies and puppy dogs, nor were there warm retellings by the hearth with your little baby on your lap afterward, only a grim...cold….cruel realization as the monster king stood there, tasting his bitter victory over the forces of light.

A victory so one sided that he could scarce believe it himself.

Yes, the story of the heroes is just a myth, a lie.

The heroes of light fell in battle and the lord of the monsters didn't even know what to make of his victory, he just stood there, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of it all, even as he held a familiar ruby pendant in his hand, one taken from the body of the final hero to fall.

The monster king then planted his weapon in the dirt and proceeded to declare his victory with a mute gaze of respect to those who had offered him their meager resistance, putting the pendant on and vowing a vow that is known only to him.

And they lived happily ever af…..wait, hold on.

You, yes you, the person reading this wall of garbage, did I narrate that correctly? The monster king just stopped trying? The next line i'm being made to read is that tired cliché line “they lived happily ever after” tell me it isn't so! I was certain that this was going to be a dark, grim tale of evil proving victorious!!

well...clearly we're missing some context.

Alright, so for the record I would like to formally introduce myself, I am wiess, your narrator, just imagine me in patrick stewart's tones if you want, or better yet sean connery, yes! Sean connery will be excellent!

I'm sort of your obligatory fourth wall breaking sense of flow disruption, I have something to do with the story in the same way a mickey mouse face flying across the screen to interrupt one scene of a cartoon and transition to the next would.

I'm your friend, guide, and of course sole source of irritation on this silly little journey you'll be making through the book.

So pay me no heed, i'll only make this story harder to stomach (goodness knows i've already had my fill.)

so yes, they lived happily ever after, the monster king vanished with nary a trace and the four heroes, well designed chaps clearly belonging to every final fantasy trope ever, were declared dead and buried somewhere other than the battlefield where they were struck down in no less than four hits by the monster king.

From there...details get a little fuzzy...no I mean I can't read this, the ink is faded! (who wrote this?…….libreoffice you say? Why is my copy penned with ink on a scroll?,…..really? That's stupid!! goddammit get me the….oh come on what do you mean the book's writing itself? You had one job anna! One job!!….well I don't care what your excuses are i'm trying to narrate and you're telling me the manuscript doesn't even have a source?…..did he even build this world? Oh he's making it up as he goes along eh? F@#$ing perfect…..) ahem! Sorry about that, it appears the author is being a loon and just writing as he goes along...i'm sure he'll edit this novel as he makes it up….maybe….I swear how hard can it be to spell crat? No, cit. Cut? NO!! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL FELINE!! C-A-T gods dammit all to the hells we're never going to hear the end of this!! expect garbage reviews by the end of the day! Why even now i'm sure the person who purchased this is going to close it on this line and give it one eidolon out of ten!

What's that anna? (what do you mean “star” system? They don't have an eidolon system? But eidolons are so convenient, you have a tiny eidolon who stands there on the edges of the book, bound by the reviewer to repeat what the reviewers have been saying and- what do you mean they don't have magic in that world? Well….that's just stupid. How do they cook without magic? Really? Manually? Like barbaria- oh….oh those poor dears….)

ahem, so you don't have magic then? How very inconvenient that must be. Forgive me, it was pretentious of me to just assume you were aware of magic in the universe...how very profound.

Well, since i've bored you with my piss poor narrations, let's get on with the story.

This story is called “ultimate illusion”

it's a cheap final fantasy knockoff, hey don't give me that look, I don't write this, I narrate it. Like i'm doing now….in...text….

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?!?!?!(anna!! get the shotgun!! I must end it all no- what do you mean morik borrowed it? Morik the rogue? Truly? But I need it- ...*sigh* fine.)

let me doublecheck the title just to be sure I- oh, that's not the title at all!

Huh...it's actually

Legends From The Void

Well, that certainly isn't an ominous, pretentious and vague title now is it?

Right, I'm wiess, your fourth wall narrator who sounds like patrick stewart or sean connery depending on your preference, and this Is going to be a bizarre adventure.

Don't worry, I won't be here TOO frequently.

…...no really!

Chapter 1

it's...a chapter….like any other.

..uh….

So, let me refresh your memory before we get into this chapter, I'm sort of cross with the author who clearly doesn't write according to society's rules or standards.

Basically in ancient times a monster king invaded, he sent out hordes of monsters, demons, etc, etc, and the heroes defeated them all.

He came onto the field and the heroes died very, very quickly, it wasn't a contest.

Then something about one of their articles, some ruby pendant, caught his attention and he vanished, never to return, his little invasion just….stopped for no reason.

Now just as people had in say...lords of shadow 2 (which is just okay by castlevania standards) the good guys just assumed that because the evil lord had vanished mysteriously that the heroes had won, but because I wanted to ruin that plot point for you I pointed it out.

I can be evil like that.

So that's ancient history...let's say….5000 years ago.

From this point onward I will remain silent and let the actual writer's writing tell you what's what, whenever I'm speaking it's in bold italics, indicating that somebody far more important than the writer, me, is about to interject and ruin that element of the story for you.

I'm evil like that.

so...where were we? Ah yes, 5000 years later the opening cliché comes forth, a random typical somewhat handsome male character...likely a farmer or an orphan with a “super secret- hey….what the hell is that?

Wiess the wizard looked up from the scroll that he'd been reading just in time to see a figure clad in black armor riding toward him, his cape billowing out behind him as he bore down on the poor foolish wizard whose mind was currently engaged elsewhere, likely interfering with the cosmos and reality as we know it.

The armored figure neared poor befuddled wiess, who not mere moments ago was in his study reading a story that chronicled his own world's ancient history, and now here he was, in a sun dappled green forest that radiated with all the colors of spring, most notably greens and the golds and whites of flowers, apple trees in particular, their sun soaked white hues practically punctuating the forests all around with a radiant splash of white every ten feet.

Wiess, being a satyr wizard, was not one to overlook his heritage and how biased humans could be to his kind, and as the hellish black knight neared him he had the presence of mind to dive to the side, dropping the divine scroll as he went and causing it to vanished from view.

“Oh that is bullshit!” wiess roared in his dignified voice that could have belonged to a famous thespian from another, distant world, and he crawled over to the spot the scroll had vanished, already sensing that his connection to the other planes was fading, as was his memory of them.

Now wiess was entirely lost, and unable to place what he'd been doing not mere moments ago, but then the scroll reappeared, back in its tube and rolled up, and wiess was reminded that someone else, someone powerful who held his fates and the fates of all in his hands, was calling the shots.

With a sigh wiess turned to face the black knight, smoothing his long silvery hair as he considered the individual, briefly reaching up to check his curling ram horns, his face scrunched up in concern, for he was certain the warrior's imposing axe had grazed one.

“Name yourself villain.” the knight growled, pointing his weapon at the wizard who was far more important than he seemed.

“I surrender!” wiess cried, falling to the ground.

“spare my miserable wizardly life, I beg!!”

the knight dropped his guard, and though wiess would have taken that opportunity to strike the fool dead with his immense magical powers, a flash from the scroll, a warning, reminded him that he'd been thinking about just such a fellow, someone important who could save the world.

Of course, he'd been expecting a perfect tool, but this knight, this hulking, imposing knight whose face was invisible behind his Y shaped visor, whose body practically exuded darkness in oozing curls of a dense black mist, whose horse had clearly been demented from birth, for its bloodshot eyes glowed behind its own ebony visor, did not fit such a bill!

“do you now?” he asked, hopping off the horse and slowly approaching, massive axe in hand, and what an axe!!
it was a thick, jagged thing that looked to be more of a flag than an axe, for the blade itself ran halfway down one side of the thick brown wooden pole, the wood so ancient that the cracks on it were like fissures to hell itself.

The edges of the blade were monstrous and jagged, like the horizon of a distant mountain but sharpened to a silver polish which was a contrast to the dull, bloodstained metal of the weapon's head.

“I do! I do indeed!” wiess cried.

The warrior lifted the axe, readying a killing stroke and wiess, understanding the futility of his course, bowed his head and awaited death none too eagerly.

Yet the blade did not fall.

“so you do….forgive me, wizards can be a tricky lot.” the knight explained, leaning on the weapon he'd now had planted into the ground.

“come, i'll take you to the castle and make it up to you, unless of course you've someplace else you need to be?”
wiess considered the offer, then looked to the scroll, which gave no protests that he could tell, then, with a sigh, he nodded.

“your offer is indeed gracious, I seem to have been transported to this...location...where am I?”

“ah, you are in Lahl, the land of the four kings.”

Ignoring the obvious reference to another four kings who were not on the wizard's “most favorites” list he readily accepted the ride to the castle of the first king, king Lee Cthadahan, the famous poet king, where he would surely find rest enough to get his bearings.

Assuming of course, that the scroll he carried at his side permitted such a brief respite.