Depression

I'm tired, i don't just say that for the effect, i'm tired most every day.
I simply lack energy, i'm always unhappy, and it drains me on a physical level, to the degree that it can honestly prevent me from doing the most basic of tasks.
my depression, albeit a temporary source, stems from the constant self berating i put myself through for being raised in such a way that I simply do not understand society, to the degree that i infringe upon the happiness of others by simply being awkward.
it's not a matter of common sense for me, it's a struggle just to go out and speak to people, it's a struggle to move, to walk.
ninety percent of my day i'm sitting around people i barely care about, looking for people who are worth my time.
what depresses me isn't the fact that i feel worthless, what depresses me is the fact that i feel alone.
I wasn't raised with the expectation that i'd be living past my fifteenth year, as such my existence from the very beginning was treated like that of a dog you'd eventually have to put down.
why? well, namely i only existed for the sake of child support, that was my purpose, a source of funding.
when i finally gained some modicum of independent thought, i became a liability and was thrown out into a world that had long lived within a state that turned human beings into resources to better serve their society. i don't merely say this for effect, it's simply the way most societies are.
this is a society where money is survival and where your existence is defined by how well you manipulate the economic system for your own benefit, people simply don't seek meaning for any purposes other than attention, and as a result men like me, who grew up seeking purpose, philosophical foundation and many other things, things of meaning, can't get along with a world like this.
I feel alien to my own society, and that feeling persisted when i went to college, where the entire "your existence boils down to the figures you make with your job" theme was so prevalent that it poisoned various aspects of my community college.
yet to seek meaning is to become worthless, and this depresses me, should i settle for my own survival, or continue pursuing my own goals of meaning, even at the expense of my own society's comfort?
I prefer the latter, but even so, I reserve the right to be depressed about knowing that no matter what i do in this world, i'll most likely do so alone, without any hope of any kind.
People have simply given up on defining themselves and now pursue survival and only survival, even college students are subjected to this madness, where what they learn is based heavily on what best serves society.
and this, of course, depresses me.